Breaking Up Without Going To Pieces

In the article, "Breaking up without going to pieces," author Gawain Wells discusses strategies for dealing with a breaking up. To successfuly move on, he suggests:

1) Don´t have a pity party. It is okay to feel bad, but an extended pity party can turn into depression.

2) Be grateful that you aren´t going to be dating someone who doesn´t want to date you anymore.

3) Figure out a game plan for moving on.

4) Be confident. Learn from your mistake and course correct so it doesn´t happen again.

5) Learn from every dating experience. Constantly self-evaluate and learn to break bad patterns.

Getting Over The Hurt

I remember being told that the person I was seriously dating didn´t want to see me anymore. I remember the pain. It hurt so bad, I was sick to my stomach. I didn´t want to get out of bed; I just wanted to cry and cry. My family said, "In time, your feelings will change." I didn't want to hear that; you may not either...yet. Only with time will you be able to deal with the pain. Soon you will realize that you need to move on; that you are a good person; and that the person who broke up with you made a choice. You can make your own choices, too...in time.

You Are A Person Of Worth

Not all surprises are good ones. Breaking up unexpectedly with your boyfriend or girlfriend is a bad surprise. Sometimes the break up can be a very unfriendly experience. You feel rejected. You may even start questioning your worth. When a break up happens, it is important to step back and breathe. Don't take responsibility for everything that went wrong. Realize that if your partner no longer wants to be with you, you shouldn't want to be with someone who feels that way about you. Look for ways to change your day-to-day routine so you don't feel your partner's absence. Look to the future and try to learn from your past relationship.

Differences That Spell Trouble

In his book, "Finding the Love of Your Life", Dr. Warren writes, "If you and I had the time, we could tell one story after another about couples who had some differences and still built a satisfying marriage together." It is still important to consider what differences could cause most trouble in a marriage. Dr. Warren lists the following:

1)Energy Level--When one person has a lot of energy and the other person has very little, we have the makings of major problems.

2) Personal Habits--When two people differ here, there can be a slow and steady erosion of their union. Some of the habits that can create conflict include punctuality, cleanliness, orderliness, dependability, responsibility and weight management.

3) Use of Money--This is listed as the number one or two reason why couples divorce. Money management should definitely be discussed prior to marriage.

4) Verbal Skills and Interests--Having similar interests and being able to share thoughts is very important for long-term happiness.

Couples should take time to access these four areas while they are dating; if not addressed, they can cause trouble later in marriage.

What Are Your Instincts Telling You?

Is this relationship right for you? How can you tell? Listen to your inner voice; it usually speaks the truth. If you feel happy and confident most of the time, chances are the relationship is working for you. If you constantly feeling annoyed, depressed or put down, then it´s time to do something about it. Talk to your partner, seek counseling or move on. Remember, if you don't feel good about yourself in the relationship, then the relationship isn't the one for you.

Until You Know Someone

Thanks to technology, singles today can date people from every walk of life. This advance means that they can date people from outside of their hometowns, their church communities, their local high schools and universities, so they no longer know if their dates share their same values and standards. If you do not know the values of your date, the easiest way to find out is to ask. Give your date hypothetical situations and see how he/she responds; treat it as a fun Q&A! If you continue to date, their standards and values will be come more apparent in their actions. But until you know a person's values well, you should probably date in public places amongst people where you feel safe.

Moving Beyond The Pain

We have all known someone who has been rejected by a girl/boyfriend. (Heck, that someone could be you!) Rejection is difficult to deal with, even more so for individuals who grew up being rejected by family or friends. In order to move past the pain, such individuals need to be around people who build up their worth and are trustworthy. If you or a friend are trying to deal with rejection, remember a good support system is a good way to get over feelings of rejection. Spend time that you would have normally spent with your ex- with your friends. Start new routines. Try new activities. Now is the perfect time to re-invent yourself! You'll like the new you that arises from the ashes of your old relationship.

How Rejection Can Help You

It`s hard to deal with rejection at any age. But think about it this way: If you were never rejected by anyone you dated, you would probably marry the first person you dated and miss out on all those great relationships throughout the rest of your life! Ultimately, rejection gives us the opportunity to meet new people and have new experiences. Rejection also makes us stronger. Every time we survive a bad break up, we are stronger for it and are more mentally ready to meet the next person who could be that 'special someone.'

Honesty

If you are planning to break up a dating relationship, know that you are probably going to hurt that person. Most people are afraid to tell the person they are dating that it has to end; however, if you can be honest with them as soon as you know your true feelings, you both can avoid additional pain. In the end, your former partner will respect your honesty. That being said, being honest does not mean being cruel. When you explain why you feel the relationship has to end, remember your history together and temper your words rather than say something harsh you may regret.

Avoid Intentional Hurting

Breaking up is hard to do; the song doesn't lie. But if you are the one initiating the break-up, there are some things you can do (and not do) that can make the break-up as painless as possible. First, remember your soon-to-be former partner has given you a part of his or her life. Honor your history together by not criticizing him or her at the critical moment. In most instances, breaking up is your issue, not theirs. If they ask you why you are breaking up with them, be honest but tactful. If the shoe is on the other foot and you are the one being let go, respect your partner's decision.