Cleanliness and Attire

The impression you leave on a date begins the moment you see each other. Even before you speak your first words, your date has made judgments based on what he/she sees. That is why your appearance, cleanliness and clothing are so important on a date. Making a misstep in these three categories can negate any other positive thing you do during the remainder of the date. It is better to ensure that you have showered and are appropriately dressed than to hurry to avoid being late. If you need to, make a phone call and delay...but look nice for your date. It shows you care.

Lighten Up

We worry too much about dating. We worry about everything from talking too much to whether our boy/girlfriend really likes us. If you worry too much or have little confidence in your dating skills, lighten up!

1) Be kind to everyone. This will create success because everyone likes being around kind people.
2) Be upbeat! No one likes to be around someone who is constantly negative.
3) If someone likes you, expect them to treat you with respect and warmth. If they don´t, don´t waste your precious dating years on someone who is going to abuse you.

Remember, people are attracted to people who calm, centered and happy. And if you act that way, you will begin to feel that way!

Don´t Rush A Relationship

When you like someone, it's often tempting to rush in and shower him or her with affection, gifts, phone calls and all your time and attention. Unfortunately, this extreme focus can be too much too soon and might scare away the person. Rein in your enthusiasm and try to let the relationship grown and develop on its own. Don't try to do everything; let your dating partner initiate some things as well. You'll find it's rather nice to be on the receiving end of some of that attention and affection, too.

Dating Tips: Being Attentive

The simplest way to convey interest on a date is listening. Listening is incredibly important for any successful dating experience. Not only will you actually learn something about the person you are dating, they will feel both desired and interesting. Listening goes way beyond merely "looking interested." You have to be attentive to what your date is saying. You should ask questions, and occasionally chime in with your own anecdotes. This way you will seem both attentive and interesting.

A Flower On The Second Date?

Bring a flower or two on a second date. It will show your date that you have been looking forward to it.
1) A couple of casual flowers, such as carnations or daisies would be great!
2) Try to stay away from red roses till you have seen each other for awhile.
3)You can even give one flower with some leaves and baby's breath with a ribbon!

Why Sex Should Be Last

It's the $64,000 question: when should a couple have sex? The answer is probably a bit different for every couple. But at the 2001 Smart Marriage conference, Dr. John VanEpp recommended the following sequence of events, which applies to all couples considering a serious relationship.

1. Know--you must know someone before you get too serious with them. You must know about their family, their habits, their values and their lifestyle.

2. Trust--When you start knowing someone, you begin to trust them more. Trust is something that should be earned and not easily given.

3. Rely--Once you know someone and you trust them, you can start relying on them.

4. Commit--Once we know, trust, and rely on someone, we can then make a stronger commitment to them. That is why the marriage commitment is so important.

5. Sex--Finally, sex. If you start off with sex, you have started in the wrong place. In order for a relationship to be healthy, you MUST know each other, you must trust each other, you must rely upon each other, and you must be committed to each other. It is at this point, and only at this point, that sex is wise and healthy.

Dating Tips: Conversation

Here are a few dating tips for conversation. Start small. You can't come charging into a date with both conversational barrels blazing – heavy topics like life and politics should come later in the conversation. Begin by simply asking about her or his day. Listen to what your date has to say, and take turns directing the conversation. The point of the date is to get to know the other person; don't try to rush anything. If in-depth topics come up, good; if they don't, don't worry. Hopefully they'll surface during another date. Remember, remain true to your opinions -- don't browbeat the person, but don't agree for the sake of agreeing either.

Beyond Attraction

Attraction is very important in every dating relationship; in fact, most individuals say that attraction is the reason they sought out their dating partner for the first date. But once attraction has been established, other key factors come into play. Consider the following questions. Does this person talk openly with me? Can I share my thoughts with him/her? Does he/she care about what I am doing? Does this person respect me and my desires? Does this person push me to do things I am uncomfortable with? Remember, attraction is only one of many elements of a successful relationship. Make sure your relationship has more than just attraction to survive.

Asking Out In Advance

Often, when we want to ask someone out on a date, we get excited and ask for that every evening! We don't mean to be rude; we're just excited! But it makes it appear that we think our date is just sitting at home, waiting to be asked out. If you do want to ask someone out, give him/her some advance notice. Don´t put added pressure on by asking right before you want to go out. Even if they want to go out with you but have other plans, it makes it confusing and mixed messages are sent. Show respect for the person and his/her schedule by giving plenty of advance notice -- a week minimum. That way, you'll have lots of time to plan a special night.

A Few Do´s & Don´ts

DO NOT call and ask for a date for the same day.

DO plan interactive activities on a first date to get to know the person better. (Translation: no movies).

DO NOT be late for a date.

DO plan dates in different environments to see how your partner responds to a variety of situations.

DO NOT talk about yourself the whole night--find out more about your date.

DO kiss on the first date if the feeling moves you! Be spontaneous.

Do NOT forget to give a tip to your waiter if you go out to eat.

Advanced Planning

Spontaneity is a wonderful thing, but not always when you have a date on the calendar. A nice evening usually requires some preparation. When you ask out a date, it is a good idea to make plans. For example, if you are going out to eat, make reservations. Discuss your plans with your date before hand so he/she can prepare as well. It is good to tell a date what time you will pick them up and what time you expect to have them home. Even if you have been dating someone for a long period of time, you should still take the time to plan ahead. It shows you care and you will have more fun because you put more thought and caring into the process.

Don´t Lead Me On

It's surprising how much damage can be done by people who are trying to be nice. If you are dating someone who you like as a friend, and you know that person has much stronger feelings about you, don't think that the 'nice' thing to do is to continue to date them without explanation. That would be leading the person on -- intentionally or unintentionally. Always let the person know the extent of your feelings. You are not being nice when you pretend; you will both be better off when you are honest. Their time will not be wasted, and their feelings will be honored.

Dating Resolutions

Most people start the new year with a list of resolutions. It's a nice way to start fresh, to start anew. As you begin a new relationship, consider making some dating resolutions so that your new relationship can have a fresh start, too. Some resolutions to consider include:

1) I will listen more than I talk.
2) I will be more positive.
3) If I criticize my partner, I will show an increase in love afterwards.
4) I will be more patient.
5) I will be loyal to my partner.

What Are You Thinking About?

Many a mother has taught her daughter to never reveal her true feelings to a boy that she is dating. It's all part of the 'dating game'...or so they have said. Unfortunately, playing the dating game is playing with another person's feelings. Being honest and letting the other person know exactly how you feel -- and where you think the relationship is headed -- avoids a lot of hurt feelings, confusion and heartache. True, game playing may make you appear more mysterious to your friends, but being honest will make you more lovable to that special someone that you are no doubt looking for.

Why Do We Date?

Men and women date for many different reasons -- companionship, fun, sex, social interaction -- but in the end most dating leads to one thing: marriage. In a 2000 Census report, researchers found that 90-95 percent of all Americans will eventually marry. Thus, the most common outcome for those who date is marriage. In our teen years, we date to get to know someone else better. Dating at this stage is also for recreation. As we get older, we date looking for deeper connections and intimacy. At this stage dating becomes more complex as we have to develop our relationships skills (i.e. communication, problem solving). One of the final steps of dating is finding someone that we want to be with always. This leads to the final steps, engagement and marriage. In the final analysis, I dating and marriage are a personal search for being loved and cared for by another person.

Being On Time For A Date

Nothing can make a person appear more self-centered than being inconsiderate of others time. That is especially true when you are meeting a date. Being on time for a date shows that you respect their time...and that you are excited for the date to begin! If you are chronically late for dates, it can send the message that you don't care about the person, even if that is far from the truth. If you are going to be late, be sure to call your date and let them know...and don't make it a habit.

Sharing Your Feelings

Not everyone is comfortable sharing their feelings with their dating partner; it's a tendency that can be traced back to childhood. If your girlfriend or boyfriend's family were not big 'sharers' of their feelings, chances are your date won't be comfortable sharing his or her feelings with you. Regardless of your date's family history, the best way to begin the process is with baby steps. Start by sharing each other's day. Talk about your plans and activities. Then transition into your feelings about those activities -- a less threatening thing to share -- before moving into your more innermost feelings and thoughts. Over time, the two of you may feel comfortable sharing thoughts about each other -- qualities you like, elements of your relationship you like or want to change, and how much you love each other.

What Is Etiquette?

By definition etiquette is "conventional requirements as to proper social behavior." In our culture today, many of the 'proper social behaviors' are changing; however, observing dating etiquette is the polite thing to do, especially on a first date when you do not know the person's particular stand on 'proper social behavior.' In dating relationships, it is still considered polite for men to open doors for women, but going 'dutch' or taking turns paying for meals is more widely accepted. Both men and women now take turns making plans for the dates, and both are expected to contribute to the conversation, without one taking the lead. Once you know a person better, you can adapt the rules of dating etiquette to what works best for you and makes you the most comfortable together.