Dating With Confidence

This may come as a surprise, but dating with confidence doesn´t always come from our looks, our body or what we are wearing. The most attractive men and women often have limited relationship skills and struggle with low-self worth. In order to date with confidence, we must believe in ourselves. We must have confidence that we are good people. Dating success comes from within ourselves, NOT from a false impression that others see. For example, you could own a beautiful BMW, but if the engine isn´t working, you aren´t going to get too far down the road. The same holds true in dating: you could have everything going for you -- good looks, nice personality, a flashy smile -- but without confidence in yourself, you aren´t going to get very far.

ENRICH PROGRAMS

In today´s society more and more people are anxious to enter into serious dating relationships. Fortunately, educators and therapists are working to better prepare couples prior to marriage to help them succeed. The ENRICH program is designed to helping couples develop healthy premarital relationship skills. Utilized by over 41,000 professional counselors and clery of all denominations, ENRICH has been taken by over 1,000,000 couples as part of their pre-marital counseling.

The Importance of Premarital Assessment

Premarital assessment tools aren´t just for couples having problems. Just as you go to the doctor for yearly check-ups to practice preventative medicine, you should consider premarital assessment tools and counseling as preventative medicine for your relationship. Many studies have found that marital satisfaction and success can be predicted on the basis of the quality of the premarital relationship and that marriages can be enhanced and stabilized through premarital intervention.

Getting Close To Others

Many people find themselves drifting in and out of relationships, and yet they still feel like they aren´t close to anyone. It is easy to kiss and make out, and yet they discover that the physical part of the relationship is not fulfilling. To avoid this pitfall, consider the following tips: 1. Don´t focus on the physical part of the relationship first. If you wait and develop the other areas, you will be surprised at how easy and right the physical part comes. 2. Develop trust; any relationship without trust won´t last. 3. Communicate to solve problems. Conflict resolution is one of the most important parts of a healthy relationship. 4. Be committed to each other. This is demonstrated over time and cannot be rushed. 5. If two people are committed to each other, they will find more peace and comfort when they are apart from each other. These are a few suggestions to help you develop a deep and close relationship with others.

Dating With Confidence Part V

People who date with confidence have one trait that stands out above all others: they love. They have a genuine love and compassion for all people. Think about the people you know who are successful at dating; typically they make others feel better about themselves when they are together. The general rule is this: You cannot hurt others and feel good about yourself. Conversely, when you lift others up, you feel better about yourself. When we truly love others, we are most likely to have confidence in ourselves. Love others and you will have more confidence in your dating skills.

Dating With Confidence Part III

So, what are characteristics of people who date with confidence? Before you read any further, take five minutes and write down the characteristics of people you know who are simply confident. (The lists will be oddly similar): 1. They have the ability to see others strengths. 2. They believe in the goodness of others. 3. They have personal goals and aspirations and work to achieve them. 4. They connect with others--have good relationships with many people. 5. They aren´t afraid to meet new people. 6. They enjoy life. 7. They develop personal skills and talents. 8. They NEVER put others down for a win for themself. 9. They serve others. 10. They have values. 11. They have integrity (they are honest and truthful with all people). 12. They affirm the worth of others. 13. They allow others to make choices without imposing their personal beliefs on others. 14. They believe in their own ability to make good decisions.

Deepening Your Relationship

To take your relationship to that next level, you and your partner have to give each other more than just love and affection; you have to encourage your growth and development. Ask yourself the following questions: 1) How have you and your partner responded to stress in your relationship? It is under stress that we get to see the true colors of the person we are dating. 2) Does you partner encourage your personal development and growth? Can you develop your skills and talents or does your dating partner limit what you can do? 3) Do you find that you can share everything with each other? Growth in a relationship demands that we share ourselves with the people we are dating. 4) Can you laugh with each other and at each other's mistakes without offense being taken? Couples who grow together enjoy each others strengths and weaknesses.

Dating With Confidence Part IV

Dating with confidence begins within ourselves. In order for us to be more confident, we must deal with the individual fears and worries that prevent us from getting close to others with this process: 1. Identify your own issues: what fears do you have about dating? What things do you do that you wish you didn´t? 2. Once you have identified your issues, write them down and evaluate where these fears or behaviors come from. Where did you learn these fears or behaviors? Do you believe you can change these behaviors? 3. List the times you have overcome the fears or behaviors you listed in Step 2. Remember those times and write them down. What were you doing when you were able to overcome those fears or behaviors? 4. Create a game plan to help you for the next time you start feeling the negative fears or start doing the negative behaviors (e.g. not wanting to talk to others, saying something you didn´t want to). 5. If the steps above do not work, take some time to figure out why. What is really preventing you from being more confident? Take this question seriously and write down your thoughts.

Dating With Confidence Part II

Dating with confidence requires the following personal actions: 1. Believe in yourself. People who are confident in themselves typically draw a crowd. They are people who others simply want to be around. 2. Lift others up. People who lift others up feel free to be themselves. 3. Deal with personal issues that limit your ability to connect with others. We cannot develop good relationships until we deal with our fears. 4. Be happy. Happy people attract others. They joke around without putting others down. They find humor in small things. 5. Love others. It is easy to date with confidence when you see the people you date as individuals with tremendous worth.

Love

Dr. Leo Buscaglia in his book wrote, "I see people who are always saying, ´I´m in love, I´m in love, I´m in love. I really believe in love. I act the part.´ And then they shout at the waitress, ´Where´s the water?!´ I will believe your love when you show it to me in action. When you can understand that everybody is teaching everybody to love every moment. And when you ask yourself, 'Am I the best teacher,' and if your answer is 'Yes'--great. Go around--listen to how many times a day you say, 'I love,' instead of 'I hate.' Isn´t it interesting that children, as they learn the process of language, always learn the word 'no' years before they learn the word 'yes'? Ask linguists where they hear it. Maybe if they heard more of 'I love, I love, I love,' they´d say it sooner and more often."

RELATE

Want a dating assessment tool that tens of thousands of couples and individuals have benefited from during the past 20 years? RELATE is the most comprehensive premarital/marital assessment available. The first version of this instrument was developed by Wesley R. Burr in 1980 and was called Marital Inventories. After 10 years of successful use with premarital couples, it was replaced by the PREParation for Marriage (PREP-M), which was also primarily focused on the premarital relationship. In the fall of 1997, RELATE was released. This new version of the questionnaire was designed for use with individuals or couples who are single and unattached, steady dating, engaged, cohabiting, married or contemplating remarriage.

FOCCUS

If you are a Roman Catholic, you can use the assessment tool used by thousands of US couples take every year. FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding & Study) is a premarital inventory designed to help engaged couples explore pertinent issues related to their impending marriage. It was developed in 1985 by the Family Life Office of the Archdiocese of Omaha and is considered to be one of the most popular and effective tools for marriage preparation. There are four advantages in using FOCCUS: 1. FOCCUS reflects the values and ideals of a sacramental marriage as taught by
the Roman Catholic Church. 2. A couple can learn about the strengths and areas for growth in their relationship within a short period of time. 3. The questionnaire covers 15 areas in marriage. 4. FOCCUS has been scientifically proved to be valid and reliable.