Read these 10 The Ideal Person Tips tips to make your life smarter, better, faster and wiser. Each tip is approved by our Editors and created by expert writers so great we call them Gurus. LifeTips is the place to go when you need to know about Date tips and hundreds of other topics.
Dr. Bernard Murstein reminds us of a common saying: "Women give sex for love, men give love for sex." Murstein provides some interesting evidence to support this claim. Consider the following:
1) Men more than women enter a relationship with the desire to fall in love and report being initially more attracted to their eventual fiancees.
2) Men tend to fall in love earlier than women.
3) Men are less willing to marry without being in love.
4) In general, men appear initially much more geared to romance than women.
5) Once serious courtship is under way, the woman's love may be a better predictor of the course of the relationship. Even if she is more involved with him, she may break up the relationship if she thinks it is going nowhere.
Have you ever dated someone who made you want to be the very best you can be? Such a person is the type of a person that we all seek in dating relationships. If you want to assess your dating relationship, ask yourself these questions:
1) Does this person inspire me to be a better person?
2) Does this person let me lift him/her up?
3) Do I feel good around this person?
4) Does this person want to be better because of their association with me?
If you can answer yes to these questions, you have a dating partner who is good for you and your relationship.
While many people believe opposites attract, researchers are finding that the exact opposite is true in terms of having long term success. Dr. J. Rushton, who has summarized a considerable body of research regarding similarities, said, "several studies have shown that not only the occurence of relationships but also their degree of happiness and stability can be predicted by the degree of matching of personal traits." The more similiarites a dating couples has, the more likely they will find success in marriage.
You want a boyfriend who you can talk to and share your thoughts and feelings with...but you've discovered that kind of man is hard to find. It's not so much men's fault as it is society's; we simply have not raised a large percentage of men who are comfortable doing so. Even for those men who are more willing to talk, it takes them time to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with women. Other guys simply don't dare. Still others say too much. The most important thing is to never give up on your desire to find someone who can talk with you.
While women often bemoan the fact that they don't know what men want, men cannot say the same. Women are very vocal about what they look for in a mate. Women want a man:
1st) who will talk with them
2nd) who respects their opinions
3rd) who will treat them kindly
4th) who wants to please her
5th) who is gentle
6th) who is confident but not overbearing
7th) who is not critical
8th) who shows love
9th) who is a good listener
Overall, a woman wants a man who treats her with love and respect.
What similarities are essential to dating success? Dr. Neil Clark Warren suggests the following similarities are especially important:
5) Expectations about roles
If you and your dating partner can agree on these five major life areas, you have a solid foundation for a relationship that could last a lifetime.
While everyone has different preferences when dating, there are some characteristics that everyone should seek in a date. Below is a short list of some of the traits that you should expect:
1st) All dates should treat you with repect.
2nd) Your date shouldn't put you down or criticize you.
3rd) You should be free to be yourself.
4th) You should feel better when you are around your date.
5th) You should be able to speak your opinion without worrying.
6th) You shouldn't have to worry about making mistakes
7th) Your dating partner should be able to communicate openly with you.
Have you ever considered what type of personality you would like your future spouse or partner to have? Dr. Warren has a few questions that might help you make this decision. Consider the following questions.
1. Would you like your mate to be quiet and somewhat shy, or talkative and gregarious?
2) Do you prefer people who are intense and logical, or laid-back and easygoing?
3) Are you most drawn to people who are funny or serious?
4) Would you like someone who is strong and independent, or somone who leaves the decision making up to you?
5) Do you prefer softness or toughness--that is, someone who is gentle and seldom shows signs of anger, or someone who says exactly what he or she thinks and feels?
Source: Finding the Love of Your Life, 1992
These are all good questions that you might want to consider the characteristics you are looking for in a dating partner.
Finding a dating partner that is compatible can seem hopeless at times. One characteristic that you should seek in a date is compassion. Compassionate people show care. They are kind and respectful of you opinions and feelings. Compassionate people realize that you have had pain and suffering in your life and still accept you for what you are. If your current dating partner does not show compassion, talk to him or her. They may not be aware that they are providing the caring that you need.
Does your partner inspire you to be better? If yes, how? Take some time and consider your answer. The ideal dating partner helps you be better, but not from constant pressure. Instead, you automatically want to do better because of your association with them. If your answer was no, ask yourself if you want to spend more time in a relationship with a person who does not inspire you or make you want to be a better person.
|Jennifer Mathes, Ph.D.|